Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we made out on top of his cat.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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