Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
