look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
