i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
