I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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