HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
