Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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