For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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