My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom