I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think my vagina is haunted
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.