i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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