I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.