so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
