I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
