Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Less talking, more tequila
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
