Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
