Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
