so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ketchup is God's man juice
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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