the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
