you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
