Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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