Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
