Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
