Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
