I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
