and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Watching her eat just hurts me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
