Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Two words: nipple clamps
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