It's just like the Real World with babies
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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