hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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