Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
