i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
