fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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