Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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