But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
