i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
