we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
