I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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