Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
