I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
