Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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