These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
