Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
