I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
