My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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