I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
