he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
