Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
