I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
