So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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