The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Green mimosas i think yes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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