my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
