She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
