I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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