thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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