So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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