I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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