I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
