First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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