So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
