She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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