Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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