His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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