I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
