i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
