OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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