Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
pray to the hookup gods
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm really busy with my period
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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